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NIPPER HEARS HIS MASTER!  

fh_header_picHere lies the music of Flabby Hoffman. Vastly underachieving on what should be at this point a fully developed music of such breadth and power which would form perhaps the greatest catalogue of rock music ever written as well as serving as the cornerstone for a new musical and creative renaissance replacing the current societal trend of the music and creative outputs of people to have their impetus as the creation of product to fuel a dehumanized corporate juggernaut that has crushed every ounce of human spirit out of the people of this world with their plastic bull crap. The only reason these semi-realized sound sketches have been allowed to see the light of day here is as part of an effort to draw in other musicians that might hear the limitless potential buried in these flawed productions and request to join into collaborations with and climb onboard the Flabby musical express. If you are a musician and like what you hear here, you should get your head checked…but after the doctor releases you from the institution, contact Flabby and tell him to “sign you up” come on in for the big win as Flabby stomps the competition with unabashed abandon and wanton unrestrained enthusiasm for the true spirit of music..


   

CLICK ON SONG TITLES BELOW FOR HAPPY TIME FUN JAMS

    I HATE LOVE  

Written on a bus ride to the Million Mom March in 2003, I Hate Love is a song about a man who had a brain transplant with a rhesus monkey and how he had to learn how to laugh all over again. Currently licensed to provide the soundtrack to the upcoming remake of the movie Dennis The Phantom Menace as well as the theme song for the latest Mega Fat Burner Carb Blocker Drink commercial campaign.

    NOW  

This tune was written on a casino junket with a group of Grey Panthers on their way to try to gamble themselves up the seed money to finance their campaign to make marijuana consumption mandatory for everyone over the age of eight. Capricious and gleeful, this song has a “make war not love” theme borrowing liberally from the philosophies of Karl Marx, Fredrich Nietzsche and Dr. Zaius from the movie Planet of The Apes. It points out the spiritual emptiness and mirth of a walk to the drug store to pick up some fresh condoms and RU 486 pills.

    QUIT STARING AT MY ASS  

The lyrics for this song were inspired by the script from the old Star Trek episode where Spock throws a proletarian revolution in the engine room and gives Mr. Scott a radioactive fuel rod of justice for the common good that a true egalitarian society should strive towards instead of pretending it is a democracy for and by the people while hypocritically serving the needs and interests of a chosen few elite and deliberately exploiting the working class plundering everything from their pocketbooks, the sweat from their brow and now even the depth of their souls. Spock then kills the bastard Kirk, beats the corpse into a bloody mess and grows a ZZ Top beard.

    GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE  

This power ballad combines musical elements of disco, salsa and Gregorian Chant to form a dainty pastiche of jocular bounty. Marvin Dorf of The Journal of Urban Blight Magazine calls this song “a terpsichorean odyssey through a land of fetid waste destroying the essence of imagination to all that come within earshot of its profound malediction.” This song wants to have your baby. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir sang an a cappella version of this song at the hospital on the day that Newt Gingrich asked his wife for a divorce while she was being treated for cancer.

    MR. RIPLEY  

Inspired by the minimalist composer John Cage’s masterpiece 4’33” which featured four and a half minutes of nothing but the ambient sounds of the room; this song, Mr. Ripley, features 29 minutes of a naked fat chick rubbing her butt cheeks up against the body of a 1965 Corvette Sting Ray. Controversy arose upon its release when the lyrics were revealed to be roughly translated from a passage in the Tibetan Book Of The Dead which asks the true believer to pray for the end of all “Knock Knock” jokes.

    CHICKEN LITTLE  

This song was commissioned as a corporate theme song for Kellogg Brown and Root in 1965 when they were building 85% of the infrastructure needed for the Vietnam War. Now that they are heavily contributing to the latest U.S. quagmire in Iraq; they have pulled this, their old chestnut theme song, out of retirement to play it every time they get away with overcharging the government for millions upon millions of dollars. Full of the zesty liveliness of a thousand strong choir of peckerwood tenth generation inbred white trash southern Baptists; Chicken Little is an amalgam of a combination with a compendium of a fusion which coalesces to form the unification of a consolidation and an assimilation of a merger. And it zaps the zits too!

    THE FUNGUS IS AMONG US  

Arnold Schwarzeneggar has not publicly admitted on several occasions how this song, The Fungus Is Among Us, was nearly as important a song as Uber Alles to his father, the Brown Shirt, S.A. Nazi Party member, as his group committed murders, intimidating beatings and even the burning of the Reichstag, the German Parliamentary building, all of which allowed for the rise of Hitler to power. He has also not admitted that he has always had a profound respect for and commitment to the growing neo-fascist movement in the United States. He has not complained that the replacement of Arabs during current rise of American totalitarianism in the role that the Jews played in the rise of German totalitarianism does not sit well with him and bothers him in the same way that many have said that Hitler felt deep down when he did not finish off England because they had Aryan roots and would eventually be convinced to join the Nazis. No one has confirmed that Arnold has kept quiet for now about this until the agreement to have the Supreme Court during the second George W. term rescind the Constitutional law preventing foreign born people from holding the office of U.S. President is fulfilled.

    LAP DOG  

Yolanda Frumpworth, the head of the American Shinto And Buddhist Liposuction Society calls Lap Dog “an affront to every living pagan on the face of Earth.” Roger Ebert’s former personal body trainer, Jack Face, has called this song “the most disturbing human development since we began to walk on our hind legs.” Why has this song become such a lightning rod for controversy, is it because the song is so profoundly abhorrent…or is it because the public at large has become preconditioned to vilify anything that show any signs of individuality regardless of the content. Well its just like the question of how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop…the world may never know.

    LOVE SPELLED BACKWARDS IS EVOL  

This tune has been widely hailed for its protest song roots covering the mainstream pop topic of corporate profits. Set in poetic metaphor, the libretto of the tune clearly implies the frustration that the average pseudo-intellectual feels at the knowledge that U.S. corporations during the millennium recession have on average maintained between a 22% and 26% profit margin while the median average income for the American household is down $1,000. It has come into trouble recently for proposing the preposterous lyric claiming that the Clintons are 5th column operatives for the right wing in the final coda.

    SUPERFICIAL  

This song was the first song to bring any attention to the nascent songwriting career of early Flabby. It is the semi-autobiographical telling of the methods employed by Flabby’s first manager, Colonel Corn. It was the Colonel who was responsible for designing such early Flabby packaging products as the Flabby unitard, Flabby’s distinctive and controversial bouffant hairdo, the line of Flabby beauty products, the chain of Flabby home improvement superstores and the Flabby Satellite Home Shopping Network Channel. The Colonel actually manipulated Flabby’s image to the level of controlling his body weight. Using what he called “the reverse Elvis effect” the Colonel had Flabby go from a morbidly obese amorphous blob of a human being to a mildly distasteful level of bloated. The chorus talks of how the young Flabby postage stamp will be the fat Flabby and the old Flabby stamp will featured a reduced girth.

    THE HEART IS WHERE THE HOME IS  

Foosball aficionados everywhere will remember this ditty as being the theme song to the incredibly miraculous run to the gold of the U.S. Foosball Team at the 1983 Special Olympics. Others that claim to not remember that crown jewel of American athletic achievements might just be fowl minded jealous nerds that are envious of all the attention, hot bodied co-eds and scholarships that athletes get all while being allowed to skate by with a 45% graduation rate and a criminal behavior rate of 25% or more. In a culture choked to death by the rise of the criminally vapid yuppie mindset, the inspirational wasteland of suburbia and the deliberate educational deprivation of the inner city inhabitants; it’s no wonder that all our leaders are sociopaths.

    CALIFORNIA RUNAROUND  

Yet another Flabby tune that got its start as part of a soundtrack from a movie. 1998’s blockbuster flop “Flipper Baby” based loosely on the 60’s TV show “Flipper” features the high powered adventures of a cute little mutant baby born with flippers instead of arms and legs when his mother, a big fan of sushi, ingests too much mercury during the early stages of pregnancy before she knows she has conceived. After the suicide of his biological parents shortly after his birth, Flipper Baby is flushed down the toilet by a repulsed hospital staff. Amazingly he survives and his raised by a brood of bottle nosed dolphins. Flipper Baby befriends a young paraplegic named Kip, born without a spine as well as autistic due to high levels of mercury contaminant in the water supply, and the two of them go on a search for the legendary treasure of the pirate Spoogebeard.

    THE JESUS OF HALF PRICE SALES  

Presaging both the punk rock movement and high charged emotional power of the music of Anne Murray, the song “The Jesus Of Half Priced Sales” is revered by effete musical elitists as the greatest single example of room temperature fusion music. A combination of music that draws upon several distinct musical genres (fusion music) and a cheap and clean source of energy production (room temperature fusion) that many believe will bring an end to our reliance of the import of foreign portable stereos and merkin hair. The sequel to this song: “The Jesus Of The 50% to 75% Everything Must Go Sale” is noted for being the first rock song ever featuring music exclusively played on dog whistles.

    AN EMPTY CAGE  

An Empty Cage has been used as the theme song for the G7 conferences for the last 13 years and has become synonymous with the efforts of the wealthiest industrialized nations to continue an unabated exploitation of the planet’s resources including the global indentured servitude of the masses of this world in order to ensure the continued consolidation of this planet’s wealth into the hands of fewer and fewer people. Charges in fact have been brought up in the International Criminal Court against this song for crimes against humanity in having included several backwards masking psi-ops techniques that influence easily impressionable minds to believe that the role of media is to inform people of an objective truth instead of to convince people of the version of the truth that the owners of the media wish to portray.

    ALL’S FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR  

Conceived during Flabby’s sabbatical (a.k.a. “Flabbatical” or “The Radical Sabbatical”) to the Ashram of Flabby’s spiritual guru the Bogwan Sri Hashishi (a.k.a. “Baba Fish Milk” or “Yogi BooBoo”), the song “All’s Fair…” (a.k.a. “Wake Me Up Before You Stay-Stay” or “Sgt. Popper’s Amyl Nitrate Band”) has long been thought of as the first song ever written by Flabby. Never actually confirmed or denied, Flabby’s publicist, Arthur Spunk (a.k.a. “Lily Munster” or “Captain Pus”) insists that he cannot answer the question as he cannot comprehend any language except Sanskrit.